Marriage Questions

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Many people get caught up in the planning of a wedding, and the promise of a happy future with their new spouse, and fail to ask critical questions before tying the knot. It may seem superficial now, but there are many questions that you need to ask about the person you are marrying before you commit to a lifetime with them. Have you discussed important topics like finances, children, and where you want to live? Chances are some of these topics have been overlooked.

Finances

Money problems are a huge factor in separations and divorce, so it’s important that you and your future spouse are on the same page about spending habits. While slight differences in spending and saving habits may not cause a problem, a very frugal person matched with a frequent spender could pose a problem in the future, prompting fights about finances. Here are some questions to ask:

- How much money do you (we) make?
- How do plan to divide our money? Do we have separate accounts? Allowances?
- Do you plan to save money?
- Are you comfortable with discussing money issues that might come up?
- Do you agree that spending and saving decisions should be made jointly?

Children

Most couples at least mention their intentions regarding children before even becoming engaged, but oftentimes the conversation is in passing and may not reflect true feelings. If you’ve only discussed children briefly while dating, it’s time to bring the subject up again. Here are some questions to ask:

- Do you want children?
- How many children do you plan on having?
- When do you want to have children? Do you want to wait, or start trying right away?
- What will we do if we have trouble having children?

Family

In-laws can be a four letter word for some couples, so now is the time to set boundaries regarding each of your families. Here are some questions to ask:

- How often can my family visit?
- How often to you plan to have your family visit?
- Will our families be involved in our day-to-day lives?
- What role will our families have when we have children?

Sex

Any healthy marriage involves sex, so you’ll need to be sure that you and your future spouse understand each other’s needs. This is also the time to discuss what you do not wish to be a part of your sex life. No one should have to keep up with sexual expectations that they are uncomfortable with. Here are some questions to ask:

- Are we in agreement about frequency of sex?
- Are we comfortable talking about issues with our sex life?

Housework

Cleaning the house is always a hot topic in a marriage. Now is the time to discuss how keeping up the house will be handled. Don’t wait until one spouse feels overwhelmed by housework to have a fight about the situation. Here are some questions to ask:

- How will we divide the housework in a way that both of us feel is fair?
- If we can afford one, will we hire a housekeeper?
- Will we keep a list of chores and divide them, or will each of us have certain chores regularly “assigned” to us?

Free Time

They say opposites attract, but a couple that is too different isn’t going to last too long. It’s a good idea to have some time apart, spent with friends that enjoy things your spouse doesn’t, but you do need to share some interests. Here are some questions to ask:

- How much of our free time do we plan on spending together?
- How often will we spend time with friends, separate from each other?
- Do you like spending free time at home, or out?
- Where will we go on vacation? Will we chose a spot together, or take turns picking a vacation destination?

These are just some of the more important topics you need to consider before getting married. Remember that you really need to know someone before getting married, as it is a lifelong commitment. You want to be sure that you feel comfortable with the concept of living with the person you are marrying forever.